When you’re single, sex is fun. It’s spontaneous, it’s late at night, it can even be with a stranger- (safety first, ladies and gents). Sex as a single person is exciting because for the most part, it’s new! Even if you are in a long term committed relationship, sex is fun. You get to that level where you can argue over silly stuff (yes, that waitress had her hand on your shoulder!) and then come home and engage in fun, exciting make up sex. Take advantage of this time, ladies, because after the single, spontaneous sex, and the long term silly make up sex, comes… married sex.
I’ve been married to my husband for a year now and we’ve been together for four years. In other words, we’ve been through all the stages. In the beginning, when we first started dating, we rarely left his bedroom. Sometimes at 10 o’clock, he would ask if I wanted breakfast. Once we got dressed and headed to a local bakery, we realized it was 10 PM not AM. So yes, in the beginning, there were days, even full weekends where we just laid in bed. We talked, got to know each other, and became intimate on so many levels. Then, after almost 2 years, we bought a house together. It was our perfect little dream house. Along with that house came a lot of adult commitments. And wedding planning. So, needless to say, the days of laying in bed next to each other telling embarrassing stories about our childhoods were soon replaced with- “Did you call the roofer back? He needs the check before he can start the job.” “Does your tummy hurt? I shouldn’t have eaten those enchiladas. DO NOT go in the bathroom!” “Is this a zit? No, you have to touch it!” So now my “roommate” was no longer my sex partner, he was my life partner. We no longer have marathon sessions in bed but we both try a lot harder. Once the honeymoon is over, relationships, marriage, sex, life… it all takes hard work. Which, in its own way, is nice. There are nights that I go to bed with my face covered in a coffee face mask, wearing the same pajama shorts that I have been in for days, maybe weeks, my hair in a messy bun (not the cute messy buns that take you five minutes to expert, but an actual messy bun where the entire bottom left section of my hair didn’t make it to the bun), and I’m flossing my teeth in bed. My husband will lean over to cuddle and just say, “I love you.” This is when I want him. This is the moment he’s sexiest to me.
Okay, so where are we? What am I working with here? The pajama shorts- okay, those are going to last 2.5 seconds- no issues. The hair bun? Easy fix! I don’t have a mirror in front of me (damn it, maybe this is why he wanted one on the ceiling?!) I’m sure the bun is rating at least a 6.5 (we’re married, he’s lucky he’s not getting the left half hanging around my neck)… okay, are we all set? Oh damn. That facial mask. I need to get out of bed to deal with this. I lean in for a kiss and whisper “I’ll be right back.” There are two endings to this story, I’ll give them both to you and you can decide which actually happened.
The first: I wash off the mask and quickly add some eyeliner and mascara, and work in a little lipgloss. I decide after a look in the mirror, that bun is actually a STRONG 8. I grab the cute nightie that’s hanging on the bathroom door, way more cute and comfortable than the stained tank top that I had been rocking. I’m ready. I go out and we’re no longer a married couple. We’re the younger versions of ourselves giggling and talking and it’s hot. Then, we lay next to each other and fall asleep in each other’s arms.
So, here’s the second version of our story ending: “I’ll be right back,” I whisper. He responds with “those enchiladas, huh? Bring your phone, you might be in there a while!” And that’s where I go- with my phone and Facebook and my rockin’ messy bun, I look through our recent pictures, our anniversary trip, all the renovations on the house, and BBQs with our families. Yeah, he definitely owes me one but I’ll get it. And that’s the beauty of married sex, it’s not new, and sometimes it’s not exciting, but it’s forever.