By: Diana D’Amato
Breakups are never easy. Even if you are the one that initiated it, there is still a lingering sense of loss afterward. Hopefully, these tips will help ease the process.
When a relationship first ends, your mind automatically jumps to all the good times you have shared. These rose-colored glasses will only make the aftermath harder. While you may one day cherish those fond memories, focusing on them directly after a breakup can make you question your decisions and wonder if you two should get back together. This is why it is so important to remember the hard times as well; the fights, the annoying habits, the way you were treated. For every time they brought you flowers, there was a fight that left you in tears. Remember those bad times. Remember there was a reason for the break up.
A breakup can be a chance for a fresh start. The easiest way to start with a clean slate is to remove any reminders of your ex from your life. All pictures and mementos can be stowed away in a hiding spot, or, if you’re feeling especially vengeful, tossed in the garbage or burned. Having these things lying around is likely to only make you feel worse anyway. In this cyber age, social media is included: unfollow, unfriend, or block them so there is no chance of seeing a hint of them on your feed. The last thing you need is to come across a picture of them out with friends, all smiles.
While you cut your ex out of your life, you should not cut off your emotions. Allow yourself to grieve the end of the relationship. Go to the gym and work off your anger. Eat chocolate and cry while watching The Notebook. Your pain is valid. And it is better to get through that pain than to shut yourself down emotionally.
Reach out to your friends and family for a bit of TLC. A good friend will guide you through the storm and try to help any way they can. They may even help you take your mind off things by taking you out for a girls’ night or staying in for a rom-com infused sleepover. Chances are they have been through just as bad, if not worse, breakups and will have their own wisdom to share. If you are still hurting, try taking a trip home to visit family. A caring family will make heaps of comfort food and surround you with loving support. Being with them helps you to remember that you are loved and your family will be there for you no matter what. Plus, taking a trip home can help separate you from the situation altogether. Either way, reach out to someone. There’s no reason to suffer in silence and the ones that care for you will be eager to come to your aide.
I went over this quite a bit in my article about self-care, but in times of high stress: treat yourself. Find something that nourishes your mind and soul to help you recuperate from the pain. Indulge in a product or activity your ex wasn’t interested in. Blast the music they hated, keep the popcorn all to yourself at the movies, or get that haircut you always wanted but they always hated. Ultimately, follow my favorite line from Lorde’s “Hard Feelings/Loveless” from her sophomore album Melodrama: “I care for myself the way I used to care about you.”
Now, keep in mind, I’m the type of girl that cuts all ties after a breakup. If you prefer staying friends with an ex, some of these won’t apply to you. Regardless, you will come out of this stronger. Know that you are valuable and a relationship does not dictate your self-worth. Plus, they don’t deserve you anyway.